Sharing, bearing and the Job Centre caring

Evening all!

First off I want to talk to you about what happens when women get the chocolate craving. They briefly check the immediate area for a hot naked man, and usually upon finding none, they go after their main goal – something chocolatey smooth and delicious.

This happened to me last week and I trotted off to the local shop and found this…

Ohhh yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes!, yes!, YES! YES! YES! YES!

but then, I made the mistake of turning over my ‘Treat Bag’ before opening it and I found this…

No 😦 Whyyyyy? That is so unfair, for it to say share with family and friends. Why would I want to share my treat bag with any of my loved ones? I would not. Quite simply, they should go get their own.

But now I knew that I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the chocolate if I didn’t share it because I would feel guilty. So I had to wait to eat them, and then share. Weep for me women of the world.

***

Secondly, I’ve decided I would like a system whereby people can tell I’m peed off from the back of my head. Cats have this mechanism and it seems unfair that we have not evolved to share it. I post examples of my two looking fed up below.


They wanted food, but it could be used when you have to go the supermarket with PMT, or want to walk through your own home without anyone asking if you’re ok. Answers on a postcard please people.

***

Yesterday was my set at the wunnerful Pig and Whistle and it was also Graz Firecaster’s RL birthday. I don’t normally go much for people doing RL celebrations in SL, cus we have rezzdays for that, but as we all forgot Graz’s rezzday last year, I thought it might be nice

N.B. Please note my bugbear at this point about ppl not nudging you when their rezzdays are coming up. Having a few hundred friends on SL, I don’t go through your profiles entering them into my calendar, so please – have a heart, a week before, tip us the nod 🙂

Anyway, back from whinge city and ready to party…

We put out a birthday bear, balloon banner and Graz had a huge birthday card from all his friends on SL. Being a bit wahay, he sat on the bear and was soon joined by numerous of his friends. Many people managed to squish on, even with Tris taking up a little more space than was polite (darned Americans eh ;))

Someone tipped me off that Demos had an unusual hairdo, reminding me forcefully of Limahl of Kajagoogoo (have I just shown my age?)

I’m not going to say who egged me on to blog it


Finally, Iggy came back after a fortnight off SL and assured me that The Soup Kitchen will be back on at AAi on Thursday at 1pm slt. Bring it! (minestrone).

Don’t be put off by him looking bored, he always looks that way.

***

Everybody needs good neighbours – and my neighbours were not that nice. I mean they did a lot of mowing and car waxing, they didn’t have noisy sex, but they were jus t not friendly. So… when they put their house on the market and it sold quickly, I was looking forward to a new start with new neighbours.

The day after the old neighbours moved out, I heard some noises on next door’s driveway and, despite having very bad hair and being in my dressing gown, I went and peered out of the front door.

To my HORROR, a man was standing there looking at me. I confess, I acted purely on instinct and shut the door quickly and ran back into the living room.

Two minutes later there was a knock at the door and no way was I going to answer it to a strange man looking like that, so I didn’t and then, double horrors, my ex spouse/housemate pulled his car onto our drive at the same time as our other next door neighbour pulled onto hers and I could hear them talking to the man

I continued to hide until ‘Jim’ began knocking on the front door. I had unwittingly, in my panic, put the catch on the door and locked him out – so I had to go and let him in.

So, umm…not an ideal start. Neighbour man probably thinks I am the mad wife in the attic.
Jim told me the guy looked a bit scruffy, but we didn’t want to judge too early. Then the next day Jim told me that I had to come look out the kitchen window. I saw this…

Yep, a tatty cream sofa upside down on their front lawn, along with their bed. I was still feeling slightly smug as I took the photo until I realised that the man was standing in the back of the lorry, watching me take a photo of him moving his furniture :(:(:(

Honestly? I don’t anticipate having great neighbour relations with the new neighbours and I can only say that it is my fault. From the beginning, for being a fooking loon.

***

Job Centre again today, and those of you who have been reading for some time may recall a young chap there who kept staring at my boobs and talking about goblins.

Well, it had to happen one day that I got him again, and today was that day…

He called me over by positively shouting my surname over and over, even though I was only 6 feet away and I sat down.

HIM: Right, the time now is 2.11, and your signing time was 2.05 (looks at me severely)
ME: I’ve been here since 1.55
HIM: Oh
Awkward silence, he cops a quick glance at my boobs and I sighed.
HIM: Have you applied for any jobs in the last fortnight?
ME: Yes, in fact I have a log here of all the job searching I have done (produces notebook)
HIM: It’s not an actual log
ME: (realising it’s a joke) haha, no.
HIM: Okay, Personal Assistant to Director at Derby City Council (types it in)
HIM: So you’d be the horn on the ram?
ME: (realising he means Derby City are known as the rams) Ah yes I suppose so
HIM: (mumbles) horny rams
ME: (looks at shoes embarrassed)
HIM: That was a bit of a woolly joke
ME: Er yes, I just hope they don’t baa me
HIM: Hahahahaha (pauses) Hahahaha (pauses again, looks at boobs) Baaaaaaa. Baaaaaaaaa.
HIM: That was much better than my jokes
ME: Oh I don’t know about that. I think you are the punmeister.
HIM: Hahahahahhaha
ME: (beam me up Scotty) So, I also applied for this role, as you can see (points at notebook)
HIM: Okay… Yes I see (enters some information and then comes across a bit he can’t read) Sorry, I don’t understand that bit.
ME: Oh it says Course Director. Sorry my handwriting is difficult to read.
HIM: No, it’s not your handwriting, it’s my eyes. I’m finding it hard to see today.
ME: Oh
HIM: Okay if you can just sign here for me please, if you wouldn’t mind, because that would be good.
ME: Ok (signs)
HIM: (Stares at the twins again and then back at the desk) Look! There is a little green square on your signing book
ME: Oh, so there is
HIM: Sometimes they’re orange
ME: Oh
HIM: I met a woman called Orange once
ME: Was it her surname?
HIM: Oh yes, they do exist… Mrs Orange she was called.
ME: I see. Are we done now?
HIM: Until next time (silently says goodbye to my boobs and then glances up) bye!
ME: Bye

ANYONE in that room who does not actually want a job must be more nuts than I am and possibly even more nuts than the staff, but admittedly, that would be pretty nuts.

***

So, that was the week that was… next week I am on holiday which is YAY. I’ll bring you back some rock with rude words running through the middle if I can. xoxox

***

***

Ohhhh addendum! I just found this and it’s sidesplittingly funny. I only just realised you can get certain statistics from blogger about how people find your blog. Most people come directly to it, or via 2nd hub, Moonletters or friend’s blogs. However, a few visitors came because of things they searched for in Google.

Hold onto your hats, they are well worth a squizz, I mean a squirt, I mean umm… a quick glance.

Click on it to view it clearly and then press the back button on your browser to return to the blog.

I’m loving the random ones :DDDDDD

5 thoughts on “Sharing, bearing and the Job Centre caring

  1. They all seem pretty kosher searches to me… you should see the sort of places i turn up!Tip for new neighbours – get on your best frock, dolled up to the nines and nip round there, offering the usual Madeira cake, flowers etc. Then ask them if they happen to have seen your crazy twin sister hanging about, cos the nurses have lost her again. (Worked for me!).L. x(PS. Octopods?)

  2. Hey … I can't help it if my AO makes me sprawl! ;)Rednecks even exist in the UK? Wow, I thought we had the monopoly on those. Hopefully its not still sitting out there.

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