So yesterday morning I got up to find I had a stomach upset. I spent the whole day feeling like one end or the other was going to explode but they didn’t. I just had the pains and cramps and rumbles all damn day.
I couldn’t sleep last night so at 3am I got up and got some weetabix and ate it to see if it made me better and…
Today I still feel yucky and haven’t even attempted to eat 😦
A couple of weeks ago on a Wednesday, I had my Tesco shop delivered by a Greek god. Well, he wasn’t Greek, and he wasn’t an actual deity, but he was Calvin Klein shorts hot. You might think that would be an unexpected bonus – a bit of relief from the normal disappointing delivery guys – but actually not.
The last thing I want appearing at my door with my Andrex and bumper pack of tampons, light choices natural yoghurt and waxing strips is some kind of hottie. I was wearing an ill-advised outfit of a hoodie and leggings with sandals and my hair was a bit wahay and I had not a scrap of make up on.
I accepted the delivery with little grace and gave him more than one dirty look for DARING to be so young and attractive when I felt like the damp fluff you get stuck in your washer drum.
As my delivery today was on a Wednesday again, (something I have avoided since in case he came back) even though I felt revolting, I made the effort to get up and dress decently (summer dress, little cardi) do my hair (casual but reasonably neat plait) and put on some barely there “Oh I always look like this” make up.
Don’t mistake my intentions please… I had no intentions of trying to seduce Tesco’s sex god. No, no, it was merely personal pride and an attempt to bridge the yawning gap between us which spanned some 15 years and about 30,000 sit ups.
So I thought I looked half decent. And so, it seems, did the 60 year old midget man who actually arrived on my doorstep. He stopped and chatted for quite some time on the doorstep and at one point actually had one of his feet inside as he contemplated making himself more comfortable.
I stood firm.
As indeed I would have done if sexypants had tried an unauthorised entry. Not that he would have done. Meh.
So I put all my healthy shopping away and placed my little treat (some iced buns) on top of my bread bin and looked at them sadly. My stomach doesn’t want them today and by tomorrow they won’t be anywhere near as nice.
Wish me well please, dear readers.
Yours, Misery Guts xxx