I wanted to do a blog post about one single big thing, and I realised, that was what was blocking my flow dudes. I didn’t have one single big thing to talk about, I had lots of wee bits to talk about that might, in the end, comprise something worth writing down.
So here we go…
2012 was a horrible year for me. I wasn’t well and at several points, wondered honestly if I’d get through the year at all. I got the all clear in Spring 2013 and thought right… this is it… this is my year, but it wasn’t as easy as I’d hoped. I didn’t leap back to total fitness and health. It’s so hard to get off the sofa when everything hurts and for a while there, I felt disappointed in myself, like I had failed. My mum, my friends and Thom were so supportive and loving – so hopeful – that I felt I had let them down by not immediately being brilliant.
But you know, when 2014 arrived I realised that I had actually made some pretty great progress in 2013. Okay, things still hurt, but I’m fighting it anyway, slowly and surely. I am doing more writing work now, I have a client who had been pleased with my work for almost a year, I have done my best to get more and not lower my standards too far – as someone once said – copywriting is sucking the devil’s nib at the best of times, the worst of times are too hard (and badly paid) to contemplate.
I took the plunge in Autumn 2013 and had a brace put on to straighten my teeth. It was a bit scary to do as a ‘proper grown up’ because we’re supposed to have done all that as teenagers, not to mention the fact that it is expensive, but I know it will be so worth it when I feel confident enough to smile wide.
I had a lovely Christmas with my family. We don’t do conventional turkey and xmas pudding, we have a cold buffet with meat, salmon, salads etc. and it was lovely. I did make the mistake of indulging in a few onion bhajis which dyed my white brace, yellow. Boo to that. Never mind… on the 16th of this month, I’ll get that changed and I’ll be all sparkling again.
I went away for New Year with Thom. I’d bought him a onesie, a lambretta belt (to replace one I got him a few years ago that had died), a drum of Poppycock, his favourite Molton Brown smellies, and an old chrome grill badge for Larry, his Triumph Herald.
He’d got me some original vinyl records – some of which I used to have years ago and lost to an inconsiderate borrower – and some which I should have had already but didn’t, (Joy Division and New Order) so they’re very precious to me. He got me a new CPU for my laptop, along with a new keyboard, mousepad and fascia, so not only am I working at top speed now, I am doing so on a laptop that looks as new as the day I got it. He spent hours putting it all together and then cleaned it for me with a bit of his spit and yesterday’s underpants. You might have had to be there, but it was beautiful 🙂
And finally, he got me a beautiful charm for my pandora bracelet. He bought me the bracelet a few years ago for Christmas, and each charm he’s bought me for it over the years, has some significance for us.
But you know, the best thing wasn’t the presents, it was just being together and having fun. We got so lammied New Year’s Eve. He sang karaoke for the very first time. I had inadvertently dropped him in for that by speaking to the DJ – simply to ask if they had a track I knew Thom could sing (because he’d done it for this year’s guilty pleasures festival) – and he was amazing. I was so impressed! He didn’t look nervous at all and he didn’t do any stupid pelvic thrusts like the guy who went on after him and thought he was great (tsk).
There came a point, after midnight, where the DJ turned up the music too loud and I got all hot and bothered and suddenly, felt that I might have had a little too much to drink. So we left before I was sick or something silly.
On the way home, my back was killing me and we had a hill to walk up. It took me ages, I had to keep stopping but he didn’t get cross with me or impatient. In fact he offered to carry me, but you know… I thought one of us crippled with back pain was enough 🙂 He assured me it would have been nothing to him, easier than a workout at the gym. I remained unconvinced and managed to walk.
We got back to the room and did a little more singing and dancing, probably to the disgust of the people in the next hotel room, and fell into bed at about 2am. I think it was the best New Year’s Eve ever.
I suppose what I think now about the future is… my life is far from perfect at the moment, but there are things I can do to improve it. I’ll just have to try a bit harder this year and see if I can make more progress. My main new year’s resolution is to take pleasure every day in the things that I already have, like great people and being loved. I’m very lucky.
To anyone who is still reading this rambling account of my thoughts at the moment, I wish you everything you wish yourself and a little bit of something special that blindsides you on some idle Tuesday.
The song is for my luvver 😉 Until I can do it justice, you’ll just have to make do with the real thing. x