Monday Madness

I’m having a great day – again. This is not for any special reason, it’s because I’m on random mode. Who doesn’t love random mode? Like, when you put your ipod on random and it drags up things you forgot you loved?

Well, today my brain is on random mode, throwing up things to entertain and titillate like nobody’s business.

On the subject of random, I have a question. Why is it socially acceptable for people to say ‘random’ after I say things that are a little off the wall, but it’s not okay for me to day ‘predicable’ when they speak? Huh? I put it to them, that they don’t spend enough time tripping the light fantastic of random and should do it more often.

Of course there is no point in me telling YOU this. You’re a person of exquisite taste and delectable randomness or we’d not be having this very one-sided conversation at all.

There’s a lady who I call ‘Perky parcel lady’. She delivers from lots of different outlets and often finds herself at my front door to bring me nice things I ordered online. We met, first of all, through my bathroom window. I don’t always get up at the crack of dawn (shurrup Thom) and so was often sleeping happily when I’d be interrupted by a loud knocking at the front door. I’d leap to my feet, naked and tousle-haired from my soft, warm bed and charge along the landing to the bathroom which is over the front door and throw open the bathroom window.

‘Hello!’ I’d manage to say.

‘Oh hiiiii, got a parcel for youuuu,’ Perky Parcel lady would call chirpily.

‘Leave it by the door, I’ll be down soon.’ I’d reply and then she’d do something that irritated me. She’d back slowly up the lawn, craning her neck to see me. It seemed necessary to her to make eye contact, only – as we established previously, it might be that she would see more than she had anticipated. I’d duck down to avoid wibbling my wobbly bits at her through the window and eventually, she’d leave the parcel and sod the hell off.

You might think me churlish and you’d be right. I’m honestly a little ray of sunshine if I wake up naturally, the sun peeping through my curtains, bluebirds twittering happily around as I wash and dress, bunnies hopping to find my socks. Ahhh.

It’s the whole difference between me being  Snow White or Snow Shite.

Lately, she has changed her habits very slightly and so is doing her rounds about half an hour later. I’ve been delighted by this as it has meant that sometimes I’m able to whip the front door open just as she knocks and show her that I can be a fully functioning member of society by 9.30am, even if not quite by 9.

This morning, I saw her little blue car pull up and whipped my blind up in the kitchen to show her that I was ready and willing to receive all gifts she was bearing. She saw me and shook her head – nothing for me today. Arsebiscuits. I’ve ordered a new miracle cream which promises to attack the seven signs of ageing while at the same time giving me factor 40 protection from harmful suns rays and smooth my skin tone. Amazing, all for £7.99.

On the subject of the Allowed List (last post) I’ve decided to make a change and remove sexy Hawaiian guy and swap him for this guy…


I think he qualifies as a famous person, even though I don’t know who he is. He is the US soldier in Afghanistan who I’ve come to know as ‘Mr 37 seconds’ as that is where he appears in the spoof video they made for Carly Rae Jephson’s ‘Call me maybe’  (In my imagination, he lasts longer than 37 seconds).

Ahh, it might not be quality music but it’s a fun pop ditty and makes me smile when done this way 🙂 Have a ganzer!

Hope you’re all having lovely, random, shiny days too… call me maybe? Or just press like below xxxx


Meri ❤



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